So many questions, where are the answers?

For a while now, I've considered myself an atheist. However, recently I think I've started to realize that we really don't know that much about the universe. A lot of people claim to know (or at least carry on like they have all the answers) but really, no one knows for sure... Not the pope, not Richard Dawkins, no one. This greatly disturbs me. Is it so much to ask to just KNOW? Why are we here? Where do we go? Is there any deeper meaning? I honestly don't think these questions will ever be answered.

I guess I'm back to being agnostic.

All Hallow's Eve

For those of you haven't had the joy of living with me (or at least spending an extended amount of time with me), you probably aren't aware of how seriously I take holidays. I love decorating for the season and watching cheesey specials that every TV show seems to have for every holiday. My obsession extends so much that I even get pretty into holidays such as Easter (despite not being Christian), 4th of July, and Singles Awareness Day (my sort of pseudo-anti Valentines Day substitute). My favorite holiday, however, is Halloween. I LOVE Halloween. Maybe it's because I can turn off my inner skeptic for a while and pretend that ghost stories are real or maybe it's all the freaking sugar (or maybe it's that I can use it as an excuse to watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch...), something about Halloween tickles my fancy like no other holiday does.

It seems as I've grown older, my Halloween celebrations have changed... or at least the last three years they've changed. Until I was 17, I would go trick-or-treating around my entire neighborhood... and my dad came with until I was probably 15. When I was 18, I did an abridged version of trick-or-treating, mainly to show off my Sarah Palin costume. Last year, despite having an epic Pikachu costume, I just walked around West Lafayette. This year I carved a pumpkin, watched the first 12 Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episodes, watched 5 of the Sabrina Halloween specials (not that I own them on DVD or anything... Haha), and will soon be going out to go dancing. Yes, I realize it's a Sunday and I'm in college but let's be honest: I need a day off. Like completely off. And that's exactly what I did. Despite being an adult, I think I'll always be pretty child-like when it comes to Halloween and I hope that someday I can help make Halloween a magical experience for my kids kind of like my dad did for me. Also, it means I'll get to tag along with my kids trick or treating... something I sorely miss.

While this Halloween season has been a bit busy and different than most (I'm living in an apartment and not at home) and I haven't been able to celebrate as much as I'd like to, it still was a great season as always. I really look forward to next October rolling around. Hopefully I'll have time for lots of spooky stories, going on a ghost tour, and other activities that make this time of year so great.

High School... I miss thee?

I was just going through my photo albums on Facebook and trying to do some better organization/housekeeping of what exactly each photo album contains and when they were taken, etc. and something unexpected happened: I began to miss high school. As much as I complained the whole way through and said I'd get out and never look back, there really were a lot of good things about it. I had a lot of fun times with my friends (I actually had friends of the non-internet variety!) and there were a lot of good things... I don't miss it as much as I miss elementary school with Star Lab, summer road trips to Nonna and Nonno's house (and, once there, baking, going to movies, shopping, swimming, seeing fire works, playing with chalk, catching lightning bugs...), bad 90's music, stuffed animals (don't judge me lol), and generally less work... but I do miss some parts. I definitely miss a lot of my friends, too, such as Natalie, Katrina, Sam, Paige, Anne... I barely talk to any of them. We used to be so close and then drifted apart... I know a lot of it was my fault for being such a psycho but still... They still are some of the coolest people I've ever met. As much as I bitched about everyone at Totino Grace being clones and religious whackos there were good people there. And I always had my friends from St. Anthony. I think part of this may be because I didn't walk in graduation. I've said it once and I'll probably say it again but I feel like I never really got closure. I don't regret it, however. I mean... I never took a class at the school I graduated from. I dunno, I just wish time travel really was possible... or reincarnation, for that matter. I want to grow up again... but I want it to be with the same people and the similar experiences. I care about all of you too much and am truly thankful for my life so far.

But as for high school...
I miss the 7 Deadly Sins Game.
I miss going to Applebees for half price appetizers.
I miss walking places (Weird, I know...)
I miss living at home...
I'm actually thinking... maybe I should move back home. I haven't been emotionally right since I've moved out. I'm such a mess.

"I'd give, I'd bend... Let's play pretend."
-Pretend by Lights

God, what I'd give to be a kid again...

Day 30: Your favorite song at this time last year

Last year, I was at Purdue and my favorite song was "Going Away" by Meg & Dia because it basically described how I felt at the time... I was in a new place and didn't know how I'd handle it or how things would be. It was a new experience in a place where I knew NO ONE.

But I'm not gonna lie... I'm mainly glad that this blog challenge is over. I'm sick of writing a blog every day. I need some time to recharge. Also, I'm still exhausted/mind fucked from Lady Gaga last night... Who, by the way, is GLORIOUS.

I think I'm going to start reviewing all the concerts I go to starting with my next one so look for that starting mid-September.  Otherwise, I'm taking a few days off.

Day 29: A song from your childhood

Today's song is "2 Become 1" by the Spice Girls. The Spice Girls will always hold a special place in my heart because Spice World was the first CD I ever got. I took a lot of shit for that because, ya know, guys aren't allowed to like female singers. I've expressed my resentment of this social attitude in other blogs, however, so I won't touch on that.

Does anyone remember the movie Spice World? Great fucking movie. Trashy as all fuck, but really great. The aliens? The bomb in the bus? Epic. Just epic!!!

The reason I chose this song as opposed to another Spice Girls song is because it's really, really freakin' dirty. I listened to this song as a child and not only that but I'd sing along. "Come a little closer baby, get it on, get it on..." Great song for a 7 year old to be singing, right? Of course, I didn't know what the words meant. It's funny how so many songs from my childhood are like this... You listen to them years later and are blown away by what they're actually saying now that you understand it. This also happened to me with the movie Clueless. So many sex jokes and yet I was oblivious...

Anyone else have this happen? What song did you not realize what it REALLY meant when you were younger?

Day 28: A song that makes you feel guilty

Today's song is "Rock Steady" by No Doubt.

I'm not going to go into details on this one... =\

Day 27: A song that you wish you could play

Can I just say ANY song for today's blog? I mean, I can't play any instruments... No? Fuck, I need to come up with a specific song then.

Okay, well... One of the things I value in a musician is talent. This seems to be a foreign concept these days but I think singing, being able to play an instrument or two well, writing your own songs, etc. are crucial duties of someone who is a musician in the same way that a doctor needs to be able to recognize symptoms of diseases, prescribe medicines, etc. (except obviously doctors need to know a *little* more than musicians haha). It seems that very few pop stars these actually hold up to that standard... which is sad because I don't think that's that high of a standard. The one shining, glimmering, leather studded hope happens to be the lovely Lady Gaga. I know, a lot of people think she's just some weirdo space alien singer with no talent (I myself used to be a hater until I woke up) but really, she isn't at all. Take for, example, her song "Speechless."

"Speechless" isn't at all like what people think of when they think of usual Lady Gaga music. The woman shows off her voice and trust me, SHE HAS A VOICE. It's so powerful and she definitely lives up to all the hype she's getting. I also recommend looking up some of her acoustic stuff too. It's... incredible.

Beyond her amazing voice, Gaga is also fucking smart, too. She realizes that even though she's an amazing singer, that's not what sells so she makes music that's more poppy but still has a chance to show off her real music on the occasional track or at live shows. And she knows how to sell herself too while still being true to herself. Gaga is a fucking genius. There's no other way to describe her. If you don't like her, or at least acknowledge that the woman is talented as all fuck, there's something wrong with you.