Lana Del Rey on SNL 1/14/12 Review

For those of you who go to bed at 7:30 every night, you missed the buzz on the internet surrounding Lana Del Rey's US debut performance on Saturday Night Live. Thankfully, I'm a nice guy who shares links so you can click here to see what you missed.

Did you watch it?

Okay, good. We're all on the same page now.

Lana has been getting a lot of hype over the past few months on the internet and so expectations were REALLY high for this performance. The sentiment on the internet seems to be that she bombed... But you're reading my blog so you obviously want to know what I think, right? Right!

It definitely was NOT a good performance. I'll admit, I really enjoy the studio versions of her songs and am looking forward to her album coming out. However, she clearly wasn't ready for something as big as SNL. Her vocals were weak, she was obviously terrified, and she lacked stage presence. And by lacked stage presence, I mean she just kind of stood there and sang, occasionally flipping her hair or walking back and forth. She seemed to know that it didn't go great as she seemed visibly upset during the closing (This tugged at my heartstrings a bit and I wanted to give her a hug).

That being said, I definitely think a combination of nerves and, more so, inexperience were at play tonight. I mean, she looked like she was going to shit a cactus. Rightfully so because she hasn't been around that long... or at least hasn't been around and getting this kind of attention... and this performance was incredibly important. As she plays more live shows and gets more comfortable, she'll begin to develop stage presence and her vocals will (hopefully) get stronger.

So, Lana. If you're reading this (which I highly doubt), some advice: Keep doing your thing. Keep performing live and work on getting comfortable in front of crowds. You can come back from this if you work at it enough. You also have David Letterman and Ellen coming up in which to prove last night was just a fluke.

What do you think about Lana's performance? Do you think she'll make a come back?

You can call me Dr. Phil

 "Only hang out with people you like. I learned this and it changed my life."

-Emily Haines

Most people think of summer as a time to relax and unwind but, I, on the other hand, seem to always have this crazy notion that I should take summer classes. Needless to say, this makes my summer significantly less exciting especially when the class I'm taking this summer is O chem II. I'm gonna keep it real, it's not really going the greatest. It's not that I'm not trying or anything but I just don't get it.  Every time I'm asked, "How would you perform this synthesis?" I feel like, rather than attempting to bullshit my way through a synthesis, I'd be better off just writing, "I would ask someone who actually understands chemistry to do it."

Last night I actually emerged from my study shell (and by emerged from my study shell, I mean last night was one of the three nights a year when someone was like, "Gee, Joey still exists. Maybe we should call him!") for a while. We were in some rando's backyard and somehow the subject of prom came up. One of my friends mentioned that she didn't enjoy her prom because she didn't really want to spend time with her boyfriend and would have rather gone with her friends.

For some reason, this statement jarred me. I'm no relationship expert, largely because I have yet to find someone who's desperate enough to date me, but I feel like my almost complete degree in psychology and the fact that I passed social psych brings me pretty damn close, right? I've always been of the school of thought that you really shouldn't be dating someone that you don't want to spend time with because you can only have sex for so many hours in a day (and even then, sex as a foundation for a relationship generally doesn't lead to anything stable) and you'll be spending plenty of time with each other so shouldn't you actually look forward to that time?

Apparently, not everyone thinks this way because I know WAY too many people aren't dating someone who they genuinely like outside of the bedroom. I've always said that I don't want to rush into a relationship with someone because I want to have the foundation of a genuine friendship but it seems like too many many people are waaaay to eager to get right into a relationship or each others' pants.

Now, I may be biased in this last statement because of the types of guys I tend to attract. For some reason, the stage 5 clingers are really into me. I don't really know why this is because I have a tendency to make my annoyance very clear but they persist. Maybe I have a musk that tells guys that I like being texted, "Hey, what's up? How are you? What are you thinking? What are you feeling?" three times a day or maybe it's what I get for trying to be nice to most people. Either way, I have a low threshold for that and I quickly lose any mild interest I may have had before.

My point is that people need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN and take time to get to know each other. Studies have shown that couples who are friends tend to last longer and quite honestly, you didn't need to do an empirical study to tell me that. It seems kind of... duh? The reasoning behind this may be because there are two different kinds of love that play a key role in intimate relationships. The first kind is passionate love, and, as the name suggests, this is the "OMG I WANT TO HUMP YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!!" kind of love. I don't remember the exact length of time but it doesn't exactly last a long period. Like your passion, your relationship will probably fizzle unless there's a strong foundation of companionate love. This is the kind of love where you genuinely care about the other person and what they think, feel, etc. This is the kind of love found in deep friendships and generally lasts a lot longer than passionate love (and actually grows over time). Without it, your relationship will not work for an extended period and I've never seen the point of getting into a relationship I knew would fail.

To sum things up, if you find someone that you're interested in dating, take the time to actually get to know them. You'll be glad you did because in the long run your relationship will be stronger. If things don't work out between you and them, hey, that's okay. Some people don't work out together. You'll probably find someone else and if you don't, there's always cats!

Pride 2011

This weekend was the Twin Cities' Pride festival and I felt heavily pressure by, surprisingly, my straight friends to go. So I did. Yay.

For those of you who don't know me well, I've never really felt much of a connection with the gay community. It's generally because I really don't have many things in common with other gay men aside from my love of Lady Gaga and, honestly, I find them pretty annoying. Gay men are everything I dislike about men (which, granted, is pretty much everything) combined with everything I find unattractive/dislike about women.

Lesbians, on the other hand, I love. Seriously, they rule. They're the few things I like about men combined with the very many things I like about women... and, best of all, there's no physical attraction from either direction so things never get weird! Woo hoo!

Anyway, so I went to Pride this weekend and it was kind of fun I guess. I did some volunteering and met some awesome lesbians. However, if I never see glitter or hear music that could easily serve as the soundtrack for a porno, I'd be completely okay with that. There was one story in particular that I wanted to share because I think it teaches an important lesson.

It's no secret that I'm a pretty hardcore agnostic and am not a fan of religion and especially Christianity as it seems to be obsessed with denying gays rights... or at least that's how many of it's followers choose to interpret it. I was pretty much expecting there to be tons of those crazy religious people with their "Stop sinning!" signs. Surprisingly, I saw none all weekend. What I did see, however, was a ton of Christians handing out free water and just generally being accepting and telling everyone there that they accepted and loved them regardless of their sexual orientation and that they just wanted them to be happy. It's been a while since my Catholic school days and I've been using my Bible as a paper weight, but I feel like that's what Jesus would want, as well as a supposedly all-loving God.

The take home lesson is to just accept others and also to act in (positive) ways that break stereotypes. You might have, at the very least, a slightly less negative opinion of that group.

That's all I wanted to share. Now, I'm going to go back to having nothing to do with the gay community for the rest of the year.

The (Facebook) Bystander Effect

It's a Saturday night and so far this evening I ran 8 miles, chased a rabbit around the yard, and learned the medical term for man-boobs. One thing I did not do, however, is have any sort of social contact minus a few texts seeing if some friends were free this evening (Obviously they were not).

I know you're probably thinking, "Oh God, Joey's going to bitch about not having friends again." While most of the time you would be right (Let's be honest: I'm pretty damn good at bitching) bear with me because this is actually going somewhere productive.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, not having a social life. So here I was, sitting by my lonesome when I got the idea to post something on Facebook seeing if anyone wanted to hang out. Despite posting the most witty, insightful, and though provoking status I could, no one responded. Whomp whomp. This isn't the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last. I was pondering why the fuck this kept happening when two explanations came into my head:

(Actually, quite a few more came into my head. But these seemed the most likely. I don't think all my friends being abducted by aliens and replaced with illiterate sheep who have hacked into their Facebook accounts is very plausible).

The first explanation is that I'm completely unbearable to be around because I'm annoying as all fuck, smell, am ugly as sin, a real asshole, hated by everyone, or some combination there of. While this is definitely a viable theory because no one wants to to spend time with people with those traits, it's more than likely a product of my paranoia because sometimes I convince myself of some pretty ridiculous things.

I decided to think a little more rationally for an explanation. Suddenly, it hit me as I thought back to my social psychology class and something known as the bystander effect.

Those of you who haven't taken social psychology or even introductory psychology are probably thinking, "What the fuck is the bystander effect?" ...or some variant of that. The bystander effect is an interesting phenomena that occurs when people are confronted with an emergency situation in which someone else needs help. If there's just one person there, they will be significantly more likely to attempt to help than if there is a group of people around. This is believed to occur because when more people are around, people feel less personally obligated to help and the sense of responsibility is diffused throughout the group. Unfortunately, this usually results in no one helping. An example of this from my social psych class was this chick named Feline Genwjwthaiothabgtasjgnasg, or something like that, who was murdered in an alley in New York and, despite crying for help, none of her neighbors called the police.

So what the hell does this have to do with my Facebook post? Think about the way Facebook works: We each have a couple hundred (or, for those who are particularly insecure, a couple thousand) friends that all of our status updates, links, etc. get sent out to. Each of those friends has a couple hundred/thousand friends (again, depending on their level of insecurity). Each of these friends acts as a bystander of sorts and thus everyone develops a, "Oh, someone else will respond" attitude and no one responds even if they may be bored and looking for something to do. I am coining this "the Facebook bystander effect."

Another example from my life was back in March when I was looking for someone to see Girl Talk with me. I posted repeatedly on Facebook asking if anyone wanted to go with me because the person I was originally going with was no longer able to go. Bear in mind that GT sold out two back to back shows in Minneapolis. How many people do you think responded? ZERO. Thankfully, I ran into my friend Edwina (isn't her name AWESOME?!) and she told me she wanted to go. I asked why she didn't respond on Facebook and she said, "Oh, I thought someone else would want to go so I figured I'd wait and see." Like in the real life bystander effect, there were many virtual bystanders so she had just assumed that someone else would respond because of a sort of diffusion of responsibility (although in this case there's no responsibility, but to keep in the context of the original bystander effect I'll use that term).

Now, I realize this is quite the stretch to go from a real life emergency to something as silly as Facebook but think about it abstractly and you'll see that the general concept, the more people there are the less likely someone will act, carries over. Of course, there are other problems. My thinking is in no way based on any empirical evidence because I don't have fucking time to do experiments for fun. I do think the anecdotal evidence suggests there may be something there. Also, it is based off of a theory that actually has empirical evidence behind it. So if any of you happen to be a researcher and want to test this theory out, let me know! *wink wink nudge nudge*

There are some other applications of the Facebook bystander effect that, assuming it's actually happening, I'd be interested in exploring as well. For example, does this still happen if the person making the post has few friends? Are people more likely to respond if they themselves have few friends? What factors can increase responsiveness to a request on Facebook (humor, invoking a sense of obligation, etc.)? How many people would respond to an actual emergency request on Facebook ("The baby's coming! Someone take me to the hospital!") and would responsiveness be affected by any of the above listed factors? Does having a picture of a sexy bikini model increase the likelihood of a response?

Finally, how can this effect be countered? Research would need to be done to make a reliable judgment of whether variations in wording or tone could result in more responses. The best way to counter the Facebook bystander effect would be to make very specific requests. In the actual bystander effect, instead of shouting, "Somebody help me!" it would be a better idea to pick one person out and point to them and shout, "Hey asswipe in the red scarf, call the police!" Okay, maybe don't call them asswipe. But you catch my drift, right?

To apply this to Facebook, instead of posting a status saying, "I'm bored. Someone want to go fly fishing?!" it would be more effective to write on one person's wall, send them a message, use the chat feature, tag them in a post, text them, use a carrier pigeon, address them specifically via smoke signals, etc. I can't promise that this will get you results, however, because it seems like people are too lazy/big of assholes to respond to texts and what not... But that's a whole different blog =)

Another way to overcome the bystander effect may to just simply be aware of it so you can consciously make an effort to notice if it is happening and hopefully act against it. So the take home message is that if you see someone who's looking for something to do or someone to go see a show with on Facebook, don't just assume someone else is going to respond and do it yourself. Chances are, everyone else is thinking, "Someone else is going to respond so why bother?" This especially applies if it's something I post. I always love comments and responses, which is why I obsessively do it on other peoples' posts all the time.

If anyone actually decides to put my little theory to the test, let me know how it goes. From a personal standpoint, hopefully by taking a more proactive and direct approach I won't be spending too many more weekends like this holed up at home.

... Or maybe I'm just an asshole.

Taste the rainbow

Earlier this evening, I had the pleasure of seeing a wonderful acoustic set by the Head and the Heart. If you haven't heard of this band yet, I pity you. They're so wonderful. Their voices harmonize so perfectly together and you can tell they're genuinely enjoying themselves up on stage. Also, I had a chance to talk to them very quickly afterward and they are incredibly nice.

You can check out a song from them here:



As I was driving home, I thought back to a post I made a few days back with some fitness and health advice for busy people. I realized that I forgot to include a tidbit of nutrition advice that I always try to follow but I guess it's just as well (but I miss your face like hell. [Watch the video if you don't get this]) because it's really great advice for everyone, not just busy people... and it gives me an excuse to share a recipe!

In my other blog, I said that it's a good idea to try to eat a lot of foods that are brightly colored (but not artificially colored!) and this kind of builds on that. I like to call it the "Rainbow Rule" and no, it's not just for gays. In case you didn't imply this from the name, you basically make sure that you get at least one food that's every color of the rainbow somewhere in each of your meals throughout the day. What's the reasoning behind this? It makes sure they you get a variety of nutrients as foods with different colors generally will have different nutritional content. It also encourages you to get foods from a variety of different food groups.

Of course, some of the colors (read: blue and purple) can be difficult to find. Off hand, I think of blueberries for blue and... nothing else. Purple makes me think of eggplant, plums, and grapes. For that reason, I usually combine these two colors into one and if I can get both, great!

That brings me to the recipe I mentioned earlier! A couple friends and I were making dinner the other night and, me being me, I insisted upon it being mostly healthy. My friends took care of making garlic bread, a fruit salad (for dessert... As Marge Simpson once said, "Fruit is nature's candy!"), and an improvised baked pasta while I was in charge of a salad. Obviously, I wanted to pack as many nutrients as I could into the salad. Everyone seemed to enjoy the salad so the next week when I was looking to make a quick, healthy meal for myself, I decided to bust out the salad again, but this time with a slight modification to add yet another color that wasn't included in the original salad. I ended up enjoying it even more the original so I thought I'd share the recipe with you all.

And by share the recipe, I mean I'm going to give it a name and tell you what's in it. I'm going to give you any specifics or measurements or anything because it's a fucking salad. So let's call it Rainbow Salad because it's very colorful. Can everyone agree on that? Good.

So start with a big ass bowl and fill it with some spinach. Notice how I said spinach and not lettuce. Spinach=darker green=more nutrients than lettuce. You'll want about as much spinach as you think will feed however many people you're serving (duuuuuh!) unless you want to have left overs for later (double duuuuuuh!) Use your best estimation skillz.

So yeah, we're off to a great start and we already have green! But we're not going to stop the green there. Oooooh, no. Next up is cucumbers! I usually cut some into circles and then cut them into four pieces after that. I also keep some in thin circles to put on top of the salad at the end.

Next, git yerself sum peppars! Or, in English, get yourself some peppers! More specifically, you'll want red, orange, and yellow peppers. After washing them, cut them into small squares and then toss them into your bowl. Bam! Four colors down. God, isn't this amazing?! I feel like Emeril.

Now comes the really exciting part... AS IF SPINACH ISN'T EXCITING ENOUGH. Are you ready for it?!

BLUEBERRIES.

Holy. Fuck.

Mind blowing, right? Right. So wash yourself some of those deeeeelicious blueberries (I recommend using organic for less exposure to pesticides... Blueberries are on the EWG's Dirty Dozen!). There's blue! Woo! You've got all your colors, more or less! Now you're ready to toss the salad. Soooo... toss the salad. And I mean that in a non-sexual way, you pervert.

But we're not done yet! For an added dash of red, let's add some strawberries, why don't we? I also recommend getting these organic for the same reason. I've also noticed that the organic strawberries at my local grocery store tend to be straight up better quality than the conventional ones. Slice the strawberries into the thin slices and spread them nicely across the top along with any cucumber slices you saved. Awwww, now it looks awesome, too!

If you feel the need for dressing, which I highly recommend against because it's basically empty calories, go with olive oil as a healthy alternative and make sure you only put on a light amount. Trust me, this salad is so flavorful you won't even need dressing!

So there you go. My half assed approach to sharing a recipe. Try it, let me know what you think. Also, if you have any blue or purple foods you can think of, let me know!

The Past is a Place You Can Never Return To

"As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends forever"

"Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C

Anyone else remember that song? It seems like forever ago that it came out. I used to always listen to it around this time of year and imagine myself graduating high school and how sad I'd be to say goodbye to everyone. Well, last year it finally happened for real. High school was... over.

Now, it's been a year since my graduation and it's time for another class to graduate and move on to the next phase of their lives. For the first time in your lives, you'll have complete control over what you do. Some of you may choose to begin working right away. Others may take some time off to travel or volunteer or do whatever it is you need to do. Most of you will go on to college and then who knows what. I'd like to offer some advice to any of you who will be moving on to college. As many of you know, I took college classes my senior year so I've technically already finished two years of college and these are just a few things I wish someone would have told me before I started my first semester.

Freshman year, take as many of your general ed requirements as possible. Many people want to start on their major as soon as possible (I know I did!) but it's best to to get your generals out of the way. Chances are they're the classes you don't want to take anyway and it's best to get them out of the way so you don't have to take them later. Besides, no matter what your major is, you'll have to do them anyway. This way, if you change majors you won't have wasted your time.

While doing the above, take at least one of your generals in your planned major. This will give you a chance to see what the major you're planning on going into is REALLY like. College is a lot different than high school. For example, I slept through the semester of high school chemistry I had and I still got an A. When I got to college, I had to work my ass off to do well. It was quite a shock!

Don't be afraid to change majors. This is especially true your first year. It's best to do it right away, anyway, so you don't have to go an extra year or take summer classes. Any classes you have already taken won't be wasted: They'll count as electives toward graduation and possibly as general requirements as well. Most people change majors. When I started college, I wanted to be a movie director. I changed majors a couple times and am now a psychology major and am also doing pre-med. Pretty big switch, right? As you go out and take classes, experience new things, and meet people you'll realize things about yourself and your interests and skills that will affect your educational choices.

Join at least one student group. Chances are there are trillions of student groups at your school and there is probably one that you'll be interested in. This is also how you'll make a lot of your friends (in addition to those you meet in your dorm, if you live in the dorm, and your classes) and it'll look good on a resume to be involved with SOMETHING. Besides, you never know what opportunities will come your way because of your involvement!

Be prepared to work hard. College is portrayed a lot differently in the media than how it actually is. Those people who are out partying all the time? They're the ones who fail out of college or end up graduating in seven years. College is a LOT of work. You'll have a lot of freedom but there's also a LOT of work. Nothing I can say will you prepare you for it. It'll be a shock at first but you'll be able to handle it. Just don't get behind because it's a lot harder to catch up than it is to do the work in the first place.

Don't be afraid to drop a class, take a class over the summer, or transfer. I dropped a class my first semester and I thought I would die. Turns out pretty much everyone does it and having one or two W's on your transcript isn't a big deal. Most people will end up taking a summer class, too. Usually it is to catch up on credits from dropped classes or semesters where you don't take as many credits. Transferring is also an option if you end up not liking where you chose to go to school. I did it and it was definitely a good decision. It's another one of those things that it's best to get it done early so 1) you don't spend 2-3 years somewhere you don't like and 2) if any of your credits don't transfer correctly you can retake any classes you need to. Again, those classes will transfer as electives and will count toward your overall graduation requirement.

I have much more I could say but I think I've covered most of the major points I wanted to make. Congratulations to the class of 2010. Enjoy the last time you'll spend with your classmates. Life will take all of you in many different directions and who knows who when, or if, you'll see each other again. Take this summer easy. Have fun and make lots of friends in college. And most of all, get excited because the rest of your lives start sooner than you think.