Last October, on the eve of my second biochemistry test of the semester, I got a phone call from my mom that will forever be burned into my memory; My grandfather on my dad's side was in the hospital and they had discovered four large tumors on his spine. Immediately upon hanging up with her, I burst into tears and did not stop crying until the middle of the afternoon the next day (including all the way through my biochemistry test, which needless to say was not my best). Knowing that this could be one of my last opportunities to ever see my grandpa, I canceled all my weekend plans, threw some clothes and homework together, and departed for Illinois to visit him in the hospital.
That weekend was one of the most difficult weekends of my life. I could barely stay in the room because it was so emotionally taxing and I hated seeing such a strong man, one I cared about so much, confined to a bed and knowing that he was in pain. That being said, I'm so glad I went down there. I know it meant a lot to him, and by Thanksgiving (the next opportunity I had to make the trip), he had declined so rapidly that he couldn't even tell what was going on. The morning after I returned to Minnesota from that Thanksgiving trip, I got the call that he had passed on.
That trip to the hospital in October was the last time I got to see and talk to my grandfather like old times, like I remembered him. Thinking back on it, I'm incredibly grateful that it ended up happening the way it did. I got my chance to say goodbye and to some extent, that gives me a little peace.
But I can't help wondering what would have happened if something different would have happened. What if he had been in a car crash? Or what if I had to work that weekend and couldn't have gone down to see him? What if I never got that chance to see him in the hospital? I would have been devastated knowing I never got the chance to say goodbye and it would have made the process of mourning, one that I'm still going through to some extent today, even more painful and pronounced.
The story of my grandpa's last few months is not something I particularly like talking about as it was a very dark period in my life and it's painful to even bring up. However, I'm sharing it for a reason and that reason is something that is very important to not only me, but to many people in the state of Minnesota.
Hospital visitation rights is one of the many rights afforded to married couples, ensuring that those couples have a better chance of saying goodbye to someone whom they've spent a significant portion of their life with. It also allows a spouse to make crucial decisions about medical care for their spouse, as an accident victim's spouse probably knows more about what their significant other would want than does the emergency medical staff who have never come in contact with this person before.
I can't imagine why anyone would want to deny someone the right to visit their life partner in the hospital, possibly on their deathbed, but there are so many people who do. In November, Minnesotans will go to the polls to vote on a constitutional amendment to permanently ban marriage for same-sex couples. This would leave same-sex couples, who have spent their whole lives together, laughed, cried, and possibly raised children together (Woo hoo for adoption and surrogacy!) unable to be their for the last moment's of their partner's journey on this planet. Permanently.
But hospital visitation rights aren't the only things that same sex couples would be denied. There are hundreds of benefits awarded to married couples that same sex couples wouldn't be allowed to have, or would have to jump through loopholes in order to get them. As a social scientist, I find other unspoken implications of the amendment more worrisome. For example, this amendment sends a message to children who are being raised by same sex parents that there is something wrong with their family or that GLBT youth are somehow different in a negative way. Do you really want to send this message to children? Do you really want to send the message to them that it's okay for them to discriminate against their peers because they're different? Is that really a healthy environment for all children?
I know personally, this amendment has already taken it's toll on me. Hearing all these negative things about how I'm disordered or there's something unnatural about something that I didn't choose has made me quite honestly feel like crap about myself. I'm scared to go out, even in my own neighborhood. And how do you think it feels that people who don't even know me are investing their time and effort to actively write discrimination into the constitution of my home state, a state I've grown up in and worked my damn hardest to make a better place?
This amendment accomplishes nothing, as same sex marriage is already illegal in Minnesota. And really, even bringing it up has just made neighbors turn against each other. Please take the time to think of how you vote impacts real people, and think of all the people, gay and straight, young and old, who will be hurt by this amendment. Take a moment to think of the broader consequences.
This amendment hurts me and if you really care about me, and the many other people in your life who will be negatively affected by this amendment, please vote NO.
