For those of you who are unaware, I've recently developed an obsession with this YouTube show called "My Drunk Kitchen." The premise that this girl gets drunk and cooks things and films it. It's pretty freakin' great. Well, there happens to be a new episode today so I wanted to share it with you before I got into the real meat of today's blog.




Isn't she great?! I love her. I want to keep her in a jar in my room.

Now that I've shared the joy of MDK, it's time to move on to a more serious topic. I know, I know, it's rare that I have serious blogs because I'm so fucking entertaining.

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter, lately I've been posting a lot of rather depressing statuses (Basically, I've turned into this whiny thirteen year old fat emo girl). I know they're annoying and I know it seems like I'm... well, a whiny thirteen year old fat emo girl. I also realize that lately I've been really irritable lately. I'm snapping at people, I'm making vicious sarcastic comments, I'm not commenting or tweeting or texting back, I'm being really anti-social... Basically, I'm becoming a real asshole.

Well, more of a real asshole than I usually am.

I've also become a tad paranoid and have gotten mad at people for stupid things like not responding to a Facebook event invite or whatever... Stuff that, while annoying, doesn't warrant the kind of reaction I've been having. In addition, I've felt the need to obsessively write on people's walls, comment or like everything, etc. because I feel like everyone is abandoning me for completely irrational reasons.

I guess I just really wanted to apologize for how I've been acting lately. There's been a lot of negative stuff in my life lately that I've been struggling with and it honestly has been getting worse rather than better. I'm trying to work through it but it's a long, difficult process. So if I snap at you or whatever, don't take it personally. It really is my issue more than anything else and you're probably doing nothing wrong. I don't know why I take things out on the people I love, but that's what always ends up happening. I'm trying to stop, I really am.

Life has been a struggle lately for me. I don't want to go into details of what's been going on, and I'm sure most of you probably don't want to hear it, but things are getting bad. Some days, I won't get out of bed until 4 because I just don't see the point or feel like dealing with reality. Hopefully, someday I'll get better. Hopefully.

Day 15: A song that describes you

If asked to describe myself in one word, the word "insecure" is one of the first that comes to mind. Thankfully, I've learned to deal with insecurities (and there are many of them!) much better than I did when I was a teenager largely thanks to one woman who happens to be just as insecure as I am: Gwen Stefani. Yes, you read that correctly; despite being one of the most attractive and talented women on the planet, Gwen went through her own insecure phase and it is documented on No Doubt's album "Return of Saturn." One song where Gwen's insecurities become particularly apparent is "Magic's in the Makeup." While I can't relate to the makeup aspect of the song, I can relate to her feeling unsure about your identity and feeling the need to hide part of yourself in order to attract a mate.

The second verse of this song is one of my favorite verses from any song ever. It goes like this:

If you bore me then I'm comfortable
If you interest me I'm scared
My attraction paralyzes me
No courage to show my true colors that exist

But I want to be the real thing
But if you catch my eye can't be authentic
The ones I loath are the one's
That know me the best

That's exactly how I feel whenever I find someone attractive; I get so afraid that I can't do anything about it and end up coming off as this awkward weirdo (not a far cry from reality, I guess haha). I know it's normal to be nervous but I think I take it to a new level in that I can't move or speak or anything. Kinda pathetic.

On a side note, this blog marks the halfway point through my 30 day blog challenge... Woo hoo! Not gonna lie, kinda ready for this to be over. As much as I've enjoyed picking a song for each day, sometime it's hard to find stuff to say about each song. I am, however, going to keep going. Only 15 days left!