Last October, on the eve of my second biochemistry test of the semester, I got a phone call from my mom that will forever be burned into my memory; My grandfather on my dad's side was in the hospital and they had discovered four large tumors on his spine. Immediately upon hanging up with her, I burst into tears and did not stop crying until the middle of the afternoon the next day (including all the way through my biochemistry test, which needless to say was not my best). Knowing that this could be one of my last opportunities to ever see my grandpa, I canceled all my weekend plans, threw some clothes and homework together, and departed for Illinois to visit him in the hospital.
That weekend was one of the most difficult weekends of my life. I could barely stay in the room because it was so emotionally taxing and I hated seeing such a strong man, one I cared about so much, confined to a bed and knowing that he was in pain. That being said, I'm so glad I went down there. I know it meant a lot to him, and by Thanksgiving (the next opportunity I had to make the trip), he had declined so rapidly that he couldn't even tell what was going on. The morning after I returned to Minnesota from that Thanksgiving trip, I got the call that he had passed on.
That trip to the hospital in October was the last time I got to see and talk to my grandfather like old times, like I remembered him. Thinking back on it, I'm incredibly grateful that it ended up happening the way it did. I got my chance to say goodbye and to some extent, that gives me a little peace.
But I can't help wondering what would have happened if something different would have happened. What if he had been in a car crash? Or what if I had to work that weekend and couldn't have gone down to see him? What if I never got that chance to see him in the hospital? I would have been devastated knowing I never got the chance to say goodbye and it would have made the process of mourning, one that I'm still going through to some extent today, even more painful and pronounced.
The story of my grandpa's last few months is not something I particularly like talking about as it was a very dark period in my life and it's painful to even bring up. However, I'm sharing it for a reason and that reason is something that is very important to not only me, but to many people in the state of Minnesota.
Hospital visitation rights is one of the many rights afforded to married couples, ensuring that those couples have a better chance of saying goodbye to someone whom they've spent a significant portion of their life with. It also allows a spouse to make crucial decisions about medical care for their spouse, as an accident victim's spouse probably knows more about what their significant other would want than does the emergency medical staff who have never come in contact with this person before.
I can't imagine why anyone would want to deny someone the right to visit their life partner in the hospital, possibly on their deathbed, but there are so many people who do. In November, Minnesotans will go to the polls to vote on a constitutional amendment to permanently ban marriage for same-sex couples. This would leave same-sex couples, who have spent their whole lives together, laughed, cried, and possibly raised children together (Woo hoo for adoption and surrogacy!) unable to be their for the last moment's of their partner's journey on this planet. Permanently.
But hospital visitation rights aren't the only things that same sex couples would be denied. There are hundreds of benefits awarded to married couples that same sex couples wouldn't be allowed to have, or would have to jump through loopholes in order to get them. As a social scientist, I find other unspoken implications of the amendment more worrisome. For example, this amendment sends a message to children who are being raised by same sex parents that there is something wrong with their family or that GLBT youth are somehow different in a negative way. Do you really want to send this message to children? Do you really want to send the message to them that it's okay for them to discriminate against their peers because they're different? Is that really a healthy environment for all children?
I know personally, this amendment has already taken it's toll on me. Hearing all these negative things about how I'm disordered or there's something unnatural about something that I didn't choose has made me quite honestly feel like crap about myself. I'm scared to go out, even in my own neighborhood. And how do you think it feels that people who don't even know me are investing their time and effort to actively write discrimination into the constitution of my home state, a state I've grown up in and worked my damn hardest to make a better place?
This amendment accomplishes nothing, as same sex marriage is already illegal in Minnesota. And really, even bringing it up has just made neighbors turn against each other. Please take the time to think of how you vote impacts real people, and think of all the people, gay and straight, young and old, who will be hurt by this amendment. Take a moment to think of the broader consequences.
This amendment hurts me and if you really care about me, and the many other people in your life who will be negatively affected by this amendment, please vote NO.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Friday, August 19, 2011
#40ThingsAboutMe Part 4
It's the final installment of my riveting blog series full of facts about yours truly! I know, everyone's sad.
31. Watermelon is one of my favorite foods.
32. Celebrities/pseudo-celebrities/bands I have met: Hilary Clinton, Al Franken, Metric, Chelsea Handler, Kenny from the Starting Line, most of Motion City Soundtrack, Hal Sparks, the lead singer of Metro Station, 4 of the members of Broken Social Scene, Hot Hot Heat, OK Go, the Sounds, the Head and the Heart... and others I can't think of right now.
33. I used to have 3000+ origami cranes hanging from my bedroom ceiling but they kept falling and it was too much work to keep up with rehanging them.
34. I find it incredibly annoying when people are like, "ZOMG, MY HOROSCOPE TOTALLY DESCRIBED MY DAY!!!" They're written so generically that they can apply to anyone. It's sad that people put such stock in a pseudo-science.
35. I eat a lot of spinach.
36. It really annoys me when people say things like, "I'm praying that someone goes and picks up my drunk friend so he doesn't have to drive!" Ummmmm... how about instead of relying on your invisible friend you go do it yourself if you're so concerned? Don't use religion as a crutch for laziness.
37. When I was younger, a friend tried to convince me she had diabetes. I believed her for a while until I saw her eat an entire bag of Skittles and she tried to convince me it was because she had "light switch diabetes" that could be turned on or off. Now I'm suspicious of people who tell me they have diabetes until they show me proof.
38. When I'm cooking, I tend to skip measuring things and just kind of approximate. It's less stressful and once you've been cooking enough it generally turns out alright.
39. Speaking of cooking, I can't make the following seemingly simple foods: cookies, pancakes, any sort of roux.
40. I really hate the name Jesse (for guys). I don't think I could ever date a guy with that name.
31. Watermelon is one of my favorite foods.
32. Celebrities/pseudo-celebrities/bands I have met: Hilary Clinton, Al Franken, Metric, Chelsea Handler, Kenny from the Starting Line, most of Motion City Soundtrack, Hal Sparks, the lead singer of Metro Station, 4 of the members of Broken Social Scene, Hot Hot Heat, OK Go, the Sounds, the Head and the Heart... and others I can't think of right now.
33. I used to have 3000+ origami cranes hanging from my bedroom ceiling but they kept falling and it was too much work to keep up with rehanging them.
34. I find it incredibly annoying when people are like, "ZOMG, MY HOROSCOPE TOTALLY DESCRIBED MY DAY!!!" They're written so generically that they can apply to anyone. It's sad that people put such stock in a pseudo-science.
35. I eat a lot of spinach.
36. It really annoys me when people say things like, "I'm praying that someone goes and picks up my drunk friend so he doesn't have to drive!" Ummmmm... how about instead of relying on your invisible friend you go do it yourself if you're so concerned? Don't use religion as a crutch for laziness.
37. When I was younger, a friend tried to convince me she had diabetes. I believed her for a while until I saw her eat an entire bag of Skittles and she tried to convince me it was because she had "light switch diabetes" that could be turned on or off. Now I'm suspicious of people who tell me they have diabetes until they show me proof.
38. When I'm cooking, I tend to skip measuring things and just kind of approximate. It's less stressful and once you've been cooking enough it generally turns out alright.
39. Speaking of cooking, I can't make the following seemingly simple foods: cookies, pancakes, any sort of roux.
40. I really hate the name Jesse (for guys). I don't think I could ever date a guy with that name.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
#40ThingsAboutMe Part 2
I'm supposed to be studying for my organic chemistry test on Thursday... but obviously I'm going to procrastinate by blogging. Here's part 2 of my 40 facts thing!
11. Even though I'm really inflexible, yoga is probably my favorite form of exercise. It burns a lot of calories and builds strength at the same time. One of the things I'm most proud of is going from barely being able to do bridge pose to being able to get into a full wheel.
12. I usually don't crave potato chips or sugary foods like most people do. Instead, I'll randomly crave foods such as (but not limited to) watermelon, strawberries, lentils, peanut butter, spinach, corn, and carrots.
13. The quickest way to piss me off is to not return a text, call, etc. or to just blatantly ignore me. I'd rather you had the respect (if you can call it that) to lie to me about having plans if you don't want to do something than just not respond.
14. I HATE talking on the phone. Please, for the love of Shiva, text me instead of calling me.
15. No Doubt and Metric have had an indescribable impact on my life. I've met so many amazing people because of them and have had incredible experiences because of both of them. Their impact on my life has been absolutely one of the most positive things to ever happen. People often wonder why I'm so passionate about them (and I often get made fun of for this passion) and THIS IS WHY. It goes beyond the music. It's the community and the bonds with people that make them so special.
16. When I was younger, I used to think that I would never end up drinking. Well... things have changed haha.
17. My oldest brother is becoming a Catholic priest. Needless to say, our worldviews are in extreme conflict.
18. Smoking=Instant turn off.
19. I really like gardening. Not so much the actual process of digging in the dirt and what not, but I like seeing the results.
20. I've never kissed someone I'm legitimately attracted to. I've either been drunk or just gone along with it because I liked that I was getting attention from a guy.
11. Even though I'm really inflexible, yoga is probably my favorite form of exercise. It burns a lot of calories and builds strength at the same time. One of the things I'm most proud of is going from barely being able to do bridge pose to being able to get into a full wheel.
12. I usually don't crave potato chips or sugary foods like most people do. Instead, I'll randomly crave foods such as (but not limited to) watermelon, strawberries, lentils, peanut butter, spinach, corn, and carrots.
13. The quickest way to piss me off is to not return a text, call, etc. or to just blatantly ignore me. I'd rather you had the respect (if you can call it that) to lie to me about having plans if you don't want to do something than just not respond.
14. I HATE talking on the phone. Please, for the love of Shiva, text me instead of calling me.
15. No Doubt and Metric have had an indescribable impact on my life. I've met so many amazing people because of them and have had incredible experiences because of both of them. Their impact on my life has been absolutely one of the most positive things to ever happen. People often wonder why I'm so passionate about them (and I often get made fun of for this passion) and THIS IS WHY. It goes beyond the music. It's the community and the bonds with people that make them so special.
16. When I was younger, I used to think that I would never end up drinking. Well... things have changed haha.
17. My oldest brother is becoming a Catholic priest. Needless to say, our worldviews are in extreme conflict.
18. Smoking=Instant turn off.
19. I really like gardening. Not so much the actual process of digging in the dirt and what not, but I like seeing the results.
20. I've never kissed someone I'm legitimately attracted to. I've either been drunk or just gone along with it because I liked that I was getting attention from a guy.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Pride 2011
This weekend was the Twin Cities' Pride festival and I felt heavily pressure by, surprisingly, my straight friends to go. So I did. Yay.
For those of you who don't know me well, I've never really felt much of a connection with the gay community. It's generally because I really don't have many things in common with other gay men aside from my love of Lady Gaga and, honestly, I find them pretty annoying. Gay men are everything I dislike about men (which, granted, is pretty much everything) combined with everything I find unattractive/dislike about women.
Lesbians, on the other hand, I love. Seriously, they rule. They're the few things I like about men combined with the very many things I like about women... and, best of all, there's no physical attraction from either direction so things never get weird! Woo hoo!
Anyway, so I went to Pride this weekend and it was kind of fun I guess. I did some volunteering and met some awesome lesbians. However, if I never see glitter or hear music that could easily serve as the soundtrack for a porno, I'd be completely okay with that. There was one story in particular that I wanted to share because I think it teaches an important lesson.
It's no secret that I'm a pretty hardcore agnostic and am not a fan of religion and especially Christianity as it seems to be obsessed with denying gays rights... or at least that's how many of it's followers choose to interpret it. I was pretty much expecting there to be tons of those crazy religious people with their "Stop sinning!" signs. Surprisingly, I saw none all weekend. What I did see, however, was a ton of Christians handing out free water and just generally being accepting and telling everyone there that they accepted and loved them regardless of their sexual orientation and that they just wanted them to be happy. It's been a while since my Catholic school days and I've been using my Bible as a paper weight, but I feel like that's what Jesus would want, as well as a supposedly all-loving God.
The take home lesson is to just accept others and also to act in (positive) ways that break stereotypes. You might have, at the very least, a slightly less negative opinion of that group.
That's all I wanted to share. Now, I'm going to go back to having nothing to do with the gay community for the rest of the year.
For those of you who don't know me well, I've never really felt much of a connection with the gay community. It's generally because I really don't have many things in common with other gay men aside from my love of Lady Gaga and, honestly, I find them pretty annoying. Gay men are everything I dislike about men (which, granted, is pretty much everything) combined with everything I find unattractive/dislike about women.
Lesbians, on the other hand, I love. Seriously, they rule. They're the few things I like about men combined with the very many things I like about women... and, best of all, there's no physical attraction from either direction so things never get weird! Woo hoo!
Anyway, so I went to Pride this weekend and it was kind of fun I guess. I did some volunteering and met some awesome lesbians. However, if I never see glitter or hear music that could easily serve as the soundtrack for a porno, I'd be completely okay with that. There was one story in particular that I wanted to share because I think it teaches an important lesson.
It's no secret that I'm a pretty hardcore agnostic and am not a fan of religion and especially Christianity as it seems to be obsessed with denying gays rights... or at least that's how many of it's followers choose to interpret it. I was pretty much expecting there to be tons of those crazy religious people with their "Stop sinning!" signs. Surprisingly, I saw none all weekend. What I did see, however, was a ton of Christians handing out free water and just generally being accepting and telling everyone there that they accepted and loved them regardless of their sexual orientation and that they just wanted them to be happy. It's been a while since my Catholic school days and I've been using my Bible as a paper weight, but I feel like that's what Jesus would want, as well as a supposedly all-loving God.
The take home lesson is to just accept others and also to act in (positive) ways that break stereotypes. You might have, at the very least, a slightly less negative opinion of that group.
That's all I wanted to share. Now, I'm going to go back to having nothing to do with the gay community for the rest of the year.
Friday, April 8, 2011
A comforting lie can't last
I'm on a bit of self improvement binge as of late, trying to rid my life of some of the negativity I have been experiencing and generally trying to make the world a more pleasant place. And that's why I've decided that it's time for me to stop my double life of sorts I've been living.
Those of you who know me fairly well know that in addition to being ignored, being lied to is one of the things that I find most hurtful and rude. I've also never been a fan of people who put on a facade, whether it be to seem like they're a good person but behind the scenes they're not or just to make someone like them. Well, I realize I've been doing these last two and it's time that it stops. Maybe this lie, the second face I've been putting on for some of you, is why I'm experiencing so many problems lately. Maybe it's not. But either way, this is my attempt at detoxifying my life.
Yes, as I'm sure all of you who I haven't already told suspected, I'm gay.
Now, I really don't want to make a big deal out of this. Why? Because it's not really central to who I am as far as I'm concerned. There are so many more interesting things about me. Like did you know that I'm an ordained reverend and can legally perform weddings? Much more interesting than who I'm potentially attracted to.
So please, don't make a big deal out of this. I've known for a long time. I'm still the same person I was before. My love of Metric, Canada, HIV advocacy, meeting new people, doing nerdy things like reading theoretical physics books for fun, Gwen Stefani, drinking like a fish, being a general badass, posting articles about current events and science that no one reads, yoga, the 7 Deadly Sins Games, randomly giving out complements to people I barely know on Facebook, and so many more things that really make up who I am haven't changed. I'm still the same old Joey, with all my quirks and flaws and positive attributes and my tendency to care a little too much about other people. I'm just finally able to show who I am in my entirety.
This was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do partially because I've been scared of how people will react and partially because I'm not really friends with any guys, let alone gay ones, so I don't know what others have gone through. That's why I really appreciate any support you can give me.
I can assure you all of one thing:
Those of you who know me fairly well know that in addition to being ignored, being lied to is one of the things that I find most hurtful and rude. I've also never been a fan of people who put on a facade, whether it be to seem like they're a good person but behind the scenes they're not or just to make someone like them. Well, I realize I've been doing these last two and it's time that it stops. Maybe this lie, the second face I've been putting on for some of you, is why I'm experiencing so many problems lately. Maybe it's not. But either way, this is my attempt at detoxifying my life.
Yes, as I'm sure all of you who I haven't already told suspected, I'm gay.
Now, I really don't want to make a big deal out of this. Why? Because it's not really central to who I am as far as I'm concerned. There are so many more interesting things about me. Like did you know that I'm an ordained reverend and can legally perform weddings? Much more interesting than who I'm potentially attracted to.
So please, don't make a big deal out of this. I've known for a long time. I'm still the same person I was before. My love of Metric, Canada, HIV advocacy, meeting new people, doing nerdy things like reading theoretical physics books for fun, Gwen Stefani, drinking like a fish, being a general badass, posting articles about current events and science that no one reads, yoga, the 7 Deadly Sins Games, randomly giving out complements to people I barely know on Facebook, and so many more things that really make up who I am haven't changed. I'm still the same old Joey, with all my quirks and flaws and positive attributes and my tendency to care a little too much about other people. I'm just finally able to show who I am in my entirety.
This was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do partially because I've been scared of how people will react and partially because I'm not really friends with any guys, let alone gay ones, so I don't know what others have gone through. That's why I really appreciate any support you can give me.
I can assure you all of one thing:
No more lies.
Friday, November 12, 2010
So many questions, where are the answers?
For a while now, I've considered myself an atheist. However, recently I think I've started to realize that we really don't know that much about the universe. A lot of people claim to know (or at least carry on like they have all the answers) but really, no one knows for sure... Not the pope, not Richard Dawkins, no one. This greatly disturbs me. Is it so much to ask to just KNOW? Why are we here? Where do we go? Is there any deeper meaning? I honestly don't think these questions will ever be answered.
I guess I'm back to being agnostic.
I guess I'm back to being agnostic.
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